How to Lose Weight in a Week

How to Lose Weight in a Week: Here are some simple pointers on how to lose weight in a week at home.
Drink Mainly Water.
Ban White Bread and Pasta
Do Cardio 30 Minutes a Day
Drink Coffee an Hour Before Working Out
Have Nightly You-on-Top Sex
Do 36 Push-Ups and Lunges Every Other Day 
Sleep 30 Minutes More a Night
Make One Food Sacrifice
Don't Let the Camera Add Pounds
Eat Salmon for Lunch
Stand Up Straight
 Do Squats and Sit-Ups Pop an Antigas Pill